cold feet chicken

I’ve got Ferdinand’s website set up. It’s not ready to run yet, but I have started transferring some journal entries over to the blog/website. I did not transfer all the entries as some were really just total blah-blah’s. How did I make people read that? It is ok to write that because I guess as [...]

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How life slips

I think I need to stop visiting those Loss forums.
They are addictive in some ways. I visit because, I want to reach out and give hugs. Shed tears for fellow moms who have to suffer losses as well. To let them know they are not alone. They can never be alone, because pain is a [...]

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To laugh, or not to laugh

It’s funny.
I mean, the past days, or maybe even weeks, I have experienced an overwhelming need to laugh.
And I mean, really, really laugh.
Howling, hooting, gasping for air, almost peed in the pants, totally hysterical, tears coming out of the eyes, gasping and coughing, till no voice can come out, till you feel like choking on [...]

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Letter. Nov26

Dear Ferdinand,
suddenly it is cold down here in the valley too. I could not sleep well last night because I was cold, despite warm clothing and socks and a warm blanket. I thought of you, and if you are warm where you are right now? If you need anything, you have to let mama know.
Lately [...]

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Nov23

It is always, always, always, when I start to feel better; when I proclaim, in amazement to myself, “I am standing again! I can do this!”; that is when something will happen that will strike me down again. And it need not be anything big. It can just be, seeing a baby who is big, [...]

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where one is

I am giving up trying to assess where I am.
To stop thinking in terms of “ok, or not”; “healing, or not”.
Because, healing will happen. It can and it will.
And Life will still hurt, in other ways.
I get tired making the assessments. I should not need to.
What I need to do is experience, and grow from [...]

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