I am not talking about being purposefully ambiguous so you leave yourself a small little back door to bail out of last minute.
I am talking about “if” and “maybe” because there is definite certainties and absolutes. Things like- life begins and ends and begins and ends and flows on….things like-there is always love and kindness [...]
Archive for January, 2008
If… Maybe… a new language
Posted in Grieving/healing/finding Hope on January 30, 2008 | 3 Comments »
Letter. Jan30′08
Posted in Grieving/healing/finding Hope, Letters to Ferdinand on January 30, 2008 | 1 Comment »
Dear Ferdinand,
tomorrow evening we fly. All four of us, packed into the cattle class, half-insane with excitement, bubbling over with glee of seeing family again, twiddling our thumbs as we cross over time zones and oceans. We fly halfway around the world, back to Asia. Back to where mama comes from. Back to where [...]
In the darkness I see
Posted in Grieving/healing/finding Hope on January 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
As a child, I was very scared of the darkness. Those shadows, even if familiar, were eerie and scary. I had to go to bed with the light on. And then, after I had fallen asleep, an adult came and turned off the light. In the middle of the night, when I inevitably have to [...]
Talking with myself
Posted in Grieving/healing/finding Hope on January 22, 2008 | 2 Comments »
> I can’t believe… that the tears can still come so easy… six months after…
~ You are surprised?
> Yeah. and then surprised that I should be surprised. Six months seem so long, and yet feels like yesterday only. And inside I know the healing takes forever; is an ongoing process. But still…
~ Don’t you wish [...]
Letter. Jan17′08
Posted in Grieving/healing/finding Hope, Letters to Ferdinand on January 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Dear Ferdinand,
lately mama has been cursing a lot. Yes, cursing. Not loudly, but in my head. Especially when I am driving, and I look up and see the clouds, and I think of you, and sometimes I get mad, and I swear. Curse. Sometimes the words flash across like those on a digital message board, [...]
Stand aside and keep walking
Posted in Grieving/healing/finding Hope on January 14, 2008 | 1 Comment »
It is not infrequent that I get in my own way. Physically, emotionally, egoistically. By doubting, nay-saying, judging-myself-first. By being afraid, or arrogant, or something else.
Yes, I often trip myself; I am often tripping myself over.
Same with this.
This. This whatever-thing-I-am-supposed-to-call-it. Mourning, grieving, healing, finding hope, trying again, waiting for the light, etc.
I am not familiar [...]
