realizations

Those rocks that travelled all the way from India were not all for me. It took me a while to realize.
After some time, I had a sense of that. The rocks spoke to me, or something like that.
A woman in one of the circles I move in had a stillbirth a few weeks back. I [...]

Read Full Post »

messy

For some reason, tonight my heart is heavy. And I feel like having a good, long bawl.
I cannot truly put my finger on it, as to why. I know it has been an accumulative effect, that’s what I know.
It is Lyra being devastatingly adorable and a goof-ball. It aches my heart because I wish Ferdinand [...]

Read Full Post »

that illusion of control

We’ve all been there… we’ve all said, yeah, we could plan, right down to every minute detail but of course we have absolutely no control. Control is an illusion. Especially when it comes to living babies.
This lesson cut really deep for me when Ferdinand died. We planned for the two girls to be playing with [...]

Read Full Post »

not alone

My friend Marybeth, said in her comment on my previous post, “as i don’t know your grief and you don’t know mine, the thought that it can transform into beauty, that it’s ugliness itself is actually beauty…makes those moments when i sometimes can’t forgive myself for choices i have made, or let go of the [...]

Read Full Post »

death is eternal

“Other people made birds.” R blurted out as he came into the kitchen behind Val, who was skipping into the kitchen, eager to show me the fruit of her labor- a pop-up card made that morning at a (free) art workshop.
When my gaze landed on the pop-up card, poudly held up in Val’s hand, my [...]

Read Full Post »

Fair, bitter, better

Back from our weekend at the cabin, raring to catch up on emails, only to have problems logging into my Gmail, ack!!  (And it’s been five long hours…) That means, no catching up on blogs either. I am rapidly wilting… so I am going to spew out my thoughts over the weekend…. I hope Gmail [...]

Read Full Post »