- Seriously, what are you supposed to do when a burglar is trying to break into your house? Especially when you are alone with kids? I am not just asking idly… …
- I finally received the necklace I custom-made to wear in memory of Ferdinand. I’m going to find time to take pictures and write about it.
- I will be away for about 10 days to our cabin, where there is no TV, telephone or dishwasher. Hopefully I make it back alive.
- I got a translation assignment but the size of it was many times bigger than when we discussed about it a month ago. I will still do it, but I hate that the next weeks will be crowded with work, when I wanna have time to do other things, and think about Ferdinand.
- I have been wondering what it will be like to go cold turkey internet-free. Anyone been-there-done-that?
Archive for June, 2009
bottleneck
Posted in just gibberish on June 26, 2009| 8 Comments »
social animal or hermit
Posted in Glow in the woods on June 25, 2009| Leave a Comment »
What are you? Party animal? Recluse? In-between?
I’ve a new post up at Glow today… …
be really interested
Posted in just thinkin' on June 14, 2009| 7 Comments »
I was reading this article by Sylvia Boorstein in the Shambhala Sun the other day, talking about how striking up a conversation with a stranger and being truly interested in what they say can lead to unexpected insights. So she spoke with a woman on a flight from San Francisco from new York, and that woman was claustrophobic and was on her way to attend the funeral of her brother-in-law. (She said, “I’m not embarrassed. Everyone has something. I have claustrophobia.”) She also revealed that her eldest brother was killed in the war in the Pacific when he was 17, and that it was terrible for both her parents and that she felt they both never got over it. When her siblings grew up they started a foundation that puts kids in some of the small Solomon Islands to school.
Boorstein said that encounter reminded her of her mother’s advice to her when she left for college: Be interested in other people…. pay attention. Don’t pretend. Be really interested.
That advice really was from a mother who wanted her daughter to be loved by others. I think it’s good advice on how to be a human being. It could also serve as good advice on how to be a friend to a bereaved.
You see, many people are afraid to be really interested after a child has died. They don’t want to go near it. Don’t want that reminder of their mortality and the mortality of their own children. Don’t want to hear about the sadness, the dealing with grief, the darkness of it all. Don’t want to listen for the umpteenth time the horror and the craziness. They are not sure what to say, and are afraid of appearing like an idiot. Grief is like one of those dark, narrow tunnels dirty and stinking, appearing along life’s path and no one wants to wander down one of those, hoping to postpone that experience for as long as possible. I guess I don’t blame them.
It’s not easy to be really interested in the bereaved. It’s not a fun hing to do and presents no rewards. So I say thank you to all those who pay attention, ask questions, sit around (but do not expect to be entertained) and be really interested and do not expect a medal, or dessert for not leaving the room at the very first possibility.
The thing is, being really interested in a bereaved is not much different in being really interested in any other person. That’s what I think. Like that woman on the plane said- everyone has something. We all require someone to be patient with us and listen. We all could use help and compassion from time to time. We are all dealing with life, with living, even if we have had to deal with death. Everyone runs into crap at some point and could use some encouragement, empathy and just genuine interest in our plights. If you are truly interested in being a friend, it is not hard to be really interested in what your friend has to say.
For Boorstein, her conversations with strangers and being really interested in what they have to say have lead to unexpected insights. I am not sure what insights the bereaved have to offer to the really interested. At least I know I do not have much to offer except the struggles and the reality of what it is like to have to experience this.
But reading Boorstein’s article reminds me to be really interested, to be genuinely interested, to be humble and truly interested, because there is still so much to learn.
i’m a dork
Posted in Grieving/healing/finding Hope on June 10, 2009| 3 Comments »
sweet and beautiful Angie brought it to my attention that I did not give the background to what I was yabbering about in my previous post about the rocks. Rock what to me?? Duh. This post explains it (I hope). Perhaps, an artistic (or otherwise) outlet for an expression of grief, remembering, letting go, or just acknowledging whatever you are feeling… …