you are a beautiful mother

May 1 is International Babylost Mother’s Day.

You are a beautiful mother, always, forever more, even if your baby is not with you.

Thank you for walking along, sharing your love, allowing me to lean on, lending your support. Your kind words, your gestures, all means the world to me. Please know that.

This is my flower to you, in love and remembrance.

Read more about International Babylost Mother’s Day on the amazing Carly’s website.

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how I miss you

Dear Ferdinand,

guess what I pulled out from under the bed just now?

A box. Filled with lovely, cute, and handsome clothes you never got to wear.

I have never forgotten about the box, every night aware of its weight sitting on the carpet under the bed when I crawl into bed to snuggle with Lyra. I have never forgotten how I made my way through the stores, looking at boy’s clothes (a new territory to me) and smiled and imagined you wearing the clothes, running, shouting, waving your arm, slinging mud.

Seeing these clothes again filled me with a sore longing for you, my boy. And I had a much-needed cry.

How I miss you.

Your father and I decided we will hang on to the box. Maybe some day one of your sisters will use them on their children, if they have a son. With this world, with life, you just never know.

I still hold hope we meet again.

Till then, know that I love you, and miss you.

Love,

mama

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