Dear Ferdinand,
a few days ago your sister asked, “Do you think that Ferdinand knows that we love him?”
Of course, I told her, of course you do. You are fiercely, and gently loved. We never stopped, we never forgot. We still ache for you, and every moment we wish you were physically here with us.
Long ago I wrote that I did not think time was linear. And so one day I will meet someone and look into his eyes and know that he is you. And you will nod, to let me know that he is you. And often when I cannot fall to sleep at night, I lay in bed and think of you, and how that meeting will look like.
The last one was like this:
You knocked on the door. I opened it, and there you stood, a dashing young man with shoulder-length hair. You threw down your backpack onto the living room floor and sat down to remove your winged boots, knowing of course that we do not wear shoes at home. You shrugged off your jacket and told me, “Do not wash on warm, else the stardust and moonbeams will come off. I wanna keep them. Smell, you can smell them.” And I took your jacket in my hands and bent my head over to smell. Stardust and moonbeams. And the jacket still warm from your body heat.
And you walked in and behaved like you lived with us all along, you knew where everything was. You told me you think you’ve had enough of star-traveling. You were hungry, yes, and would love a hot bowl of miso soup. And you said you hoped I would soon bake you the best chocolate cake I ever can. You chattered along, telling of impossible stories and humming a tune occasionally. You grinned, you smiled, you laughed. Then you stood still, looked at me deeply, your eyes twinkling and you gave me a big, big hug and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. You came home, like you never left.
You never left. Ever in our hearts. We love you.
XOXO,
mama
oh janis. missing him and inhaling the smell of moonbeams with you. Happy birthday dear Ferdinand.
Such a beautiful, beautiful post. I am trying not to cry here at work for all that has been lost. Missing Ferdinand with you!
This is the best and most beautiful daydream description I’ve ever heard. I don’t think time is linear, either, and I hope with all my heart that someday you see that grin and smell that stardust.
Love, love, love to you, to yours, to Ferdinand.
Happy birthday dear sweet Ferdinand.
Love to you Janis
Oh wow, what a beautiful tribute to your star voyager Ferdinand on his birthday.
We love and miss him with you.
I so wish he could come home to you.
Much love today and always.
xoxo
Oh god I’m just bawling after reading this. To Ferdinand and his star travels. To you and the love you have for him, and the perception of your daydream. Much love.
Just breathtaking.
Thinking of you and your amazing little man. And wishing that dreams could come true.
xxoo
I hope, one day, when you meet your boy, it will be just like that. Just like he never left.
Sending you and your family lots of love, singing happy birthday to your sweet little Ferdinand.
xo
Oh My! What an incredible day dream, so very beautiful. x
I agree, what an incredible dream. It brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful. Thinking of you all.
I have thought of you and your family all week. You were especially in my thoughts on the 29th. What a beautiful homecoming that would be. Missing him with you.
Holding you in my heart, sweet Ferdinand. Happy Birthday. XO.
I hope that it will happen just like that ((HUGS)) You have been on my mind.
Running a little late with this comment. Just wanted to wish your Ferdinand a happy belated birthday. Best to you and your family.
Happy Birthday Sweet Boy.
To moonbeams and stardust.
Love to your family
What a beautiful post Janis, catching up on reading and thought of you.
I, too, am catching up. Sending my tears and love to you and yours.
This is so very beautiful. I hope that time does twist us all back together in the end and one day you and Ferdinand will have an exchange. Perhaps one even very like this. x
Sitting here at my desk at work, trying not to sob myself. This was so, so beautiful, Janis. Happy birthday, Ferdinand.